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Monday, June 4th, 2001
11:53 pm
I know I know, it's been a while. But I am home for the summer and just have better things to do than sit on the comp all day long. There might be a few updates in the future...but dont count on too many.

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Thursday, May 31st, 2001
2:37 pm
I am sick :o(

Oh, I am workign at Fridays now. Training sucks and I think I am gonna hate it there.

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Saturday, May 26th, 2001
12:51 am - Blogger is down :o(
Why can't things always go right? I am in the mood to check out some blogs, and they won't even come up. Connection problems in california.

I am starting to realize that Ryans personality and mine are very similar. And that attracts me to him. Is that bad? I mena his is a good friend of my bf's, and now I am thinking of him sexually. And it doesnt help any that he is hot as hell.
Craziness, tonight was just crazy

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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
3:08 pm
I HATE CARS i just spent all day driving around harford county filling out applications and my damn batterly light keeps on coming on Aaahhhhh

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Monday, May 21st, 2001
2:08 pm - i need a job!
I just got back from TGIF restaurant for an interview for waitressing and it sucked! They have 15 apps and only 5 open positions :o( so I am probally not going to ge the job. So now I am broke and no income coming in and just plain mad at myself for not getting things straightened out earlier. Grrrrr....I am so mad right now.

current mood: pissed off

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Tuesday, May 15th, 2001
5:54 am - Home
So I am home and unfortunately there is only one hookup for the cable modem, which means I have to go off of the desktop comp, which is old and slow. I miss my T1 connection :(
Off to my sisters chorus concert now.
more updates to come

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Friday, May 11th, 2001
2:57 pm - Classes are over!
Will my macaroni mess make it into the Loyola college police blotter? Wait and find out!

My classes are over. I am now a SOPHMORE in college. How scary is that? This yeat went by way too fast yet I am really looking forward to next year and my new roomates! I have a lot of improvements to make with myself and scholastically next year. I want to be more social and meet more people than I did this year. I also want to get to know my teachers better, and actually go to office hours. I NEED to get on the deans list again, and no more semesters like this one. I want to be great at OAE and be more of a risk-taker. I want to plan out internships AHEAD OF TIME. I am going to make sure my roomate can talk to me so we don't have any more crazy problems...then again, next year my roomate will not be a bitch. I want to get more involved on campus and join the business clubs and other things. I will have a more positive attitude. I will get a job and will earn extra money for Thailand. I will travel to kick ass places around here and find cool little restaurants and shops in the city. I will go to a culteral event at least once a week. And at least double the amount of reading I do now...which brings it up to about 3 hrs a night. Well, thats a little far fetched...we'll see. I want to be more organized about my school work, and actually study, even if I don't have to: at least reviewing over class notes. I want to spend as much time as possible with Marty and keep things great with him: everything is already great with us...not to muchto work on lol. I want to talk to my sister more and start taking her out places with me: I feel like its my fault she is not social and doesnt have many friends.
I think that right there is plenty of goals for one year.

I am soo glad classes are OVER. I just can't get over it. IT IS SUMMER TIME BABY


current mood: shocked

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12:19 am
Ahhhhhh exams are driving me crazy! I am so sick of macroeconomics and I still have to go over plays for Lit. Am I going to get any sleep tonight?

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Thursday, May 10th, 2001
10:48 am
Last night was unbelievable. Wow. I was so surprised when Marty came walkign through my door. It was exactly what I needed to make the day better. So needless to say I didn't get any studying done, but that is was well worth it. Mmm mmm mmm. Thast was some great sex. He spent at least an hour just giving me massages and kisses me from head to the tip of my toes. I love it when he does that. It just makes me want to jump on him. lol.

I got an e-mail from my Dad telling me to call him. I hope its not bad news about Uncle Jeff. I have a dreaded feeling that it is though. This would be the third time now the cancer has come back...and it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. He is just sooo involved with his church and now works on fundraising for cancer research. Damn, life just doesn't make sense any more. I hope my Dad is handling alright.

current mood: exhausted

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Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
11:11 pm
An e-mail from mom:

Bad news, Uncle Jeff may have cancer again. They saw some spots on his lungs and need to do more tests. Keep him in your prayers.

luv mom

current mood: sad

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1:26 am
Marriage date test:
YOU WILL BE MARRIED BY: Saturday, August 21, 2004

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1:19 am
My e-mode color test...go to

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

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1:04 am - Stress
So Lynds is packing up because she is leaving tomorrow. I know this sounds horrible, but I am glad. I am just sick of everything. I am going to bed in a hour and she has stuff everywhere. And she mentioned something about still having to continue packing tonight. If she wakes me up, I am going to flip out on her. She has had all day long to do all of this not to mention the past week, and of course she would wait until I go to sleep to finish up packing. Her mom and sisters are coming tomorrow to move her out at around 10am tomorrow. Of course this means I have to be up and awake and showered before then. So as long as I am up I might as well get some studying done. I am no way gonna get it done with Lynds moving out so I am actually headed off to the library. Can you believe it? I don't even know wher the library
Okay...back to studying the marginal propensity to consume and aggregate supply...wish me sanity.

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, May 8th, 2001
4:45 pm - Spuratic - ness
I ended up with a B- in Spanish. Believe it or not, I am actually happy about it. So I had my western civ exam today and he asked for essays on Western Imperialism from 1860 to the end of the cold war and I think I did okay on it. I knew all of the countries and exactly what African nations they conquored by heart, but I don't think the essay flowed all that well. The second one was on the intellectuals and elites of the 19th and 20th century and their views on productive and unproductive members of society. I kicked ass on that essay! I talked about Malthus, Mill, Marx, Owen, Bentham, Darwin, Spencer, and jsut blew that paper away. I could have written so much more too, but you know how you remember something you wanted to say in the middel of a paper, which is all fine and dandy when you are typing, but when writing it out you just can't add in a paragraph with an arrow. Well at least not in this class. So I am just floating right now full of happiness.
So as I was walking back from Western civ I ran into Sarah and she turned me right around dropped my bookbag off in the closet of the art gallery, and we took off the catch PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION to the harbor. I cannot believe that I got on the bus. I feel so empowered I don't have to stay on campus. And its only a buck 35 to get to the harbor. How exciting. So we walked to the Baltimore Visionary Art Museum which is just one of the coolest places I have ever been too. The coolest painting there was by a guy from my home town of Harford County that is randomness. Okay I am off to take a much studying has drained my mind hehe

current mood: cultural

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Monday, May 7th, 2001
6:31 pm - My life sucks
So my roomate finally paid me back for the alcohol she just took from me without asking. It wouldnt be a big deal if I liked the girl or was friends with her, but damn, show some respect. She didn't even tell me she took it...just waited until I wanted to use it...and "oh, we drank it the other night...sorry i forgot to tell you...i'll pay you back for it later" That is bullshit. I didn't appreciate having to remind her at least 4 times to pay me back either. She is such an inconsiderate bitch sometimes. Ahhhhh!

So I am obviously sick of having a roomate. I have most of my stuff packed up and home already, but still have all my little trinkets and drawers to empty along with my stereo and computer still to bring home. It'll all fit in the car though. Good thing we have and SUV.

I called up Outback Steakhouse to see if they were hiring and they won't hire you unless you have a year experience in "outback type restaurants" which means chilis and places like diners don't count. So I would have to start out as a hostess...good luck getting me to do that. I should just get a job at a store or something but that wont pay enough. Who knows where I will end up working anymore. I only have one week left to find a job and start at it. Oh shit. That is really soon. What am I going to do?

current mood: aggravated

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5:26 pm

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12:48 pm
boxes boxes boxes

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Sunday, May 6th, 2001
3:40 pm
doing crazy amounts of western civilization work for my final teusday. I am close to halfway there!

I had some of the best sex last night. Marty was absolutely amazing and mmmmm kissed me from head to toe and in all the right places. He can be such a sexy powerful masculine guy sometimes that it drives me wild. I am still horny just from thinking about last night. What an awsome night.

current mood: accomplished

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3:04 am
I want to be smart. Not only smart, but a well-known, looked-up-to smartness that only comes after achieving something great. What will I achieve in my life? I come here to school to find myself and get an education. But school doesn't help you find yourself. Your friends, the ones you trust, the ones who know you deep down inside: they help you become the person fate intended you to be. And school. Well, school is just an exuse to live with other horomonal teens, get laid, and drink...because its okay to do so in this environment. - And Ieven go to a jesuit college - So I have determined that if I am ever to make anything out of myself I am goign to start right now in this very moment and become the great woman I am determined to become and who I feel I should be. I am going to read more than I do now, and not jsut Oprah's book club books, but philosophy and great works. I am goign to study because I want to learn, not because I need to bring my grade up. All of my life I have floated through, not putting effort into anything...well, one two. But I am one of the lucky ones. As I float through life, I am achieving great grades, and people think I am a wonderful person. Imagine how impressive I could be if I actually tried. Ever since I can remember, I have only had spurts of thats the wrong word. I have too much ambition, but only towards things I know I can get without trying any harder than I already am. The world is full of people smarter and better than me. I need to learn from them. I need to improve myself to be competitive with them. One important lesson I have learned about life is to always set realistic goal so that they they don't seem out of your reach. The funny thing is, I don't see too much of anything as out of my reach. Eventually that will lead to my demise, but until it does my goal for life is going to be to reach for the stars, and to become someone who is respected, admired, and of the best. I will not settle for less or let it be known that I have failed to reach the possibilities that were easily within my grasp.
Will this create a life of lonliness for me? No, I don't think it has too. I just will not let it; it's as simple as that.
I am wasting my time and precious moments on laziness, confusion, and sadness.

Hopefully this spirited feeling will last long enough to push me to see that it is possible for me to make something of myself and that trying is a word I have still yet to use to its fullest meaning.

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Saturday, May 5th, 2001
4:57 pm - My Knight
Marty is my knight riding on that white horse off into the sunset holding me in his arms.

I don't think he realizes that I think so highly of him and how utterly unbelievable my love is for him. He is that one considerate soul that I let into my heart to love me for all of my good and bad. He has broadened my world, my eyes, and my view of life. I love him for all of that and sooo much more. I love him because he always wants to hold me and be with me. I love him because he talks to me about what is deep down in his heart...those forbiden secrets even our best of friends do not know. I love him because he keeps our love real and down to earth but we still have those unearthly loving moments that cannot be touched. I love him for being stubborn and now always agreeing with me - I always have loved a good argument. And the biggest thing is that he alows me to reach my goals, helps me along the way, and even if it tears us further apart - that right there is the best trait I have ever seen in a person my entire life - giving up a part of yourself for someone else, and he does that every day for me, without jealousy, but understanding.

I need a hug from him right now. One of those hugs that last and I can breath deep into his chest and know that I am safe for the time being pressed up against him. The kind of hug that stops everything that was moving ahead of you, helps you gain perspective, and realize that everything will be okay, and if not, you will get though it together.

My pop pop is really sick right now and I have been holding my emotions back all day. My Nanna is such a stong brave woman, I hope that I can grow to be like her. My pop pop had an operation the other day because he had lost feeling in his arm due to a pinched nerve in his spinal cord. So they operated on his spinal vertebrae and fused together three disks in his neck. He had to go back to the emergency room last night becasue of all the pain he was in and becasue his hand where the iv was, was all swollen up. I hate to see him in pain, because I have always seen him as that strong navy guy, the excellant swimmer, and the one that picks up up in the pool and throws us as high as the sky. I want to go over and help, but I don't know if he wants any company. If I went over, I don't think I'll be able to hold back my tears...I can barely now. No, I would hold back the tears. I always do. I always appear strong to my family. I try and never let my insecurities show around them. But this is hard. I know your not sopposed to have a favorite grandparents but my nanna and pop pop are my favorite. I hate the concept of death :( Okay, I need to finish cleaning my room before I completely break down and cry.

current mood: worried

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